and now 2010

wednesday 6 january 2010…..

by: mishi…. Posted on: 01-06-2010 @ 12:42 pm….

Greenfield….

Have to admit I’m really annoyed today with my WrongPlanet blogging experience. I expected something different, and better, than what I get blogging among non-autistics. Maybe that was yet another stupid expectation, like expecting NT’s to apologize when they’ve been rotten.

I started this journal in 2008, and now it’s 2010. I sometimes ask questions: I have a lot of trouble smiling; do any of you have that? And most often I get zilch for response. And I’ve asked before: isn’t there anybody over 40 on this website? No response. And lots of other questions too. I thought we were here at least partly to learn about our Asperger’s, to support each other.

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Comment By: amarok: …Greetings, I am over 40 and also educated. I signed up here some time ago but have been so busy that I haven’t really explored. Your post was kind of at the top of the list in the blog section. Take care, Amarok 

Comment By: peterd:…  Yes, way past 40 and educated past the point of no return. But you knew that…

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(g.veronese mask at www.toscano.com)

all photos, graphics, poems and text copyright 2008-2011 by anne nakis, unless otherwise stated. all rights reserved.

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defeated by wrongplanet

Page Sixty-one

Thursday 4 November 2010

Well, all this time I’ve wanted this blog that was named after Mishi to have a theme with water, because of Mishi’s great love for that substance. But today I had to give up on the Mistylook theme, at least for a while, and change over to Thirteen, the theme I use for most of my other WordPress blogs.

That horrible format that comes along from Wrongplanet when I copy my posts there and move them here causes a whole lot of trouble. The format won’t let me do what I want to do in setting up the page, and a few minutes ago an entire post was eaten because I was trying to do something the format apparently didn’t want me to do. Added to the Wrongplanet problem is the WordPress problem: namely faulty scrolling in the edit mode, and it’s been going on for over a month, and I wish the hell WordPress would fix it.

Anyway, I’m going to see if all these problems are a little easier to work around on the Thirteen theme than they were on the Mistylook. Don’t know…….     Much later: nope. But I’ve kept the Thirteen theme anway.

all photos, graphics, poems and text copyright 2008-2011 by anne nakis, unless otherwise stated. all rights reserved.

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For Those Who Betray…

… dante’s ninth circle

by: mishi

Posted on: 01-29-2009 @ 01:26 pm

 

 

thurs 29 jan 2009          Northampton

HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE    ~~   (j.p.sartre)

and I could add: especially an egomaniac named matthew.

Update 19 August 2009:  Not much to add here. I was angry, and I think rightly so. I was back in Northampton from 8 Jan to 9 Feb this year, staying at a shelter. But there now comes a long gap in time before I wrote again. From 9 Feb this year to 23 April, I didn’t have access to a computer. And how that all came about was as bizarre and suspicious and immoral and, as far as I know illegal, as many other things that have happened over the last 17 months.

 

How Many Are There?

by: mishi

Posted on: 01-21-2009 @ 12:58 pm

 

 

Wed 21 Jan 09 Northampton

How many innocent people are there in amerika who’ve ended up with organized crime after them and in illegal, undercover federal “protection”? How many non-criminal people like me have that happen to them? Maybe 10? In the whole country? And of those possible 10, how many of them already had PTSD before the government came on the scene? Maybe 3? And of those 3, how many have asperger’s? Maybe none? I’m sick and tired of people telling me “we’re all in the same boat, we all have problems.” I may very well be a one-of-a-kind amerikan, and your problems, jane doe, and your platitudes, bear no relevance whatsoever to the one-of-a-kind hell I, according to Mr. Matthew, am living in. Not to mention the fact that before I ever spoke a single word with Matthew, a psychotic landlady, her mob-connected tenant, and a totally unscrupulous gang at the Department of Mental Health robbed me of everything that was my life and left me on the streets. We are not all in the same leaking boat, and your problems are not like mine.

Update 24 August 2009:  So angry. It had been building for months. And yes, if  Matthew’s words to me were true about what was going on in my life, then I was indeed quite possibly a one-of-a-kind amerikan. And I still want to scream when people give me those cliches mentioned above: I don’t know a single other person who’s had their home and everyone they love yanked away from them, and then been told they’re being protected by undercover federal criminals from people who want to kill them. Not one other person.

 

No One’s Responsible

by: mishiPosted on: 10-24-2008 @ 10:34 am

                                                                  

 

fri 24 oct 2009 Peskeomskut Park, Turners FallsStill sleeping outside.  No followers of Jesus in this burg take me in (what would Jesus do?) My so-called protectors do not locate me anywhere. I withdrew from the DMH in June because they were doing nothing. So here I sit. Believing that I can’t find my own place because I have been told I’m a “protected” person, and protected people must be located by the protectors.

Update 28 August 2009:  Life in the park was degrading, humiliating, but in another way beautiful. I was enraged and hurt that my protectors, especially Matthew, were leaving me this way. I was humiliated to be living in a park when for 55 years I’d had homes. I was a ball of fury and worry: when are they going to tell me where they want me? It’s been months since Matthew tried and it fell through. When are they going to get this done? But the beauty of the park was watching the sky, feeding the squirrels and birds. I had animals to take care of again. They weren’t my own, and I thought of my own stolen animals every single day, but they were there and they became my friends (the only ones I had). We loved each other for the time I was there. And again, none of the “christian” citizens of Turners Falls, around whom I’d lived for so long, offered me a couch or a room. If they thought I was delusional (I wasn’t), they at least knew that I was a non-drinking, non-drugging “delusional” who was harmless. They just couldn’t be bothered to help.

 See the Shelter Life page of my website.

why not for us?

Wednesday 2 June 2010                 Turners tarting

Again I’ll break in on my copying of the original Mishi posts to write a new one, starting off with material quoted from Michael John Carley’s book Asperger’s from the Inside Out:

      “Because we are different from the rest of the world, often it takes, not concessions, but a different mind-set in our potential significant others to be able to see past our differences and find qualities they like. Holliday Willey again provides another beautiful example in Pretending to be Normal as she recalls someone she once knew:

                        ‘To him I was a friend he liked to do things with, someone
                         to share life with for a while. He never batted an eye when
                         he saw I lived with two dogs and five cats, instead of a bunch
                         of girls. He never expressed any concern over my weird habit
                         of grilling people for way too much information. He always stood
                         by me patiently when I freaked out from having had too much
                         sensory stimulation. He never questioned me or criticized me,
                         he just let me be. If only everyone could be that gracious —
                         maybe then, we would not even need a definition of Asperger’s
                         Syndrome.’ “

 

And I myself had a male friend like that for a number of years in my life. Not a romance, but we were good friends. Sadly, our families and our lives went in different directions, and we lost track of each other. But after 34 years, his sister has found me again, and we are in touch. I hope he’ll hear through her how good his friendship was.

Carley is discussing these issues in his chapter that deals with Aspies dating and forming couples, but I will apply the material above to all relationships. Why is there so little tolerance of our differences for so many of us with Asperger’s? Why is it like trying to find a needle in a haystack to find friends/partners who will accept the way autism makes us different? I suppose I already know the answers: people are selfish; people want sameness and conformity; what’s different is regarded with suspicion, et cetera. Narrow mindedness, shallow thinking, emotional laziness that doesn’t want to make the effort, intellectual laziness that doesn’t want to learn about the condition.

I want the right not to smile without being disliked for it, lectured about it. And the right not to look people in the eye when I’m not up to it. I’m tired of my autism symptoms making me a bad person in shallow minds: the absence of a smile is malicious. The absence of eye contact means I’m lying. The need for truth and for direct speech is nit-picking. Extreme attention to detail is nit-picking too.

Many people who will go to the trouble to understand diabetes or blindness or the needs of an amputee will not exert themselves one iota to understand mild autism, autism not severe enough to land us in special homes, but still enough to make us “weird” and very much not average.

part of the book Neverending Solitaire

all photos, graphics, poems and text copyright 2008-2011 by anne nakis, unless otherwise stated. all rights reserved 

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