Thursday 13 August 2009

by: mishi

Posted on: 08-13-2009 @ 10:39 am



Turners Falls, turned, as always, poisonous
So I’ve ordered John Robison’s “Look Me in the Eye.”  Since my thirties I’ve trained myself to look into people’s eyes more often and for longer periods than I did before, but I have to say that twenty years into this self-re-training, I still don’t like it most of the time. Most of the time I do not want to see what’s in people’s duplicitous eyes.

Visiting my memories of my own life again today in this town. Sad memories of the day my animals and I were torn apart for good 17 months ago.

I haven’t yet found anyone else with Asperger’s, or anyone else at all, who feels about animals the way I do and dislikes people as much as I do. Maybe I’ll never find anyone like that.

When I took my parallel life in my head away from myself at the age of 42, I began to dislike and fear people even more, and the need to create my own private world outside my head became even greater. Over time the desire, the need to withdraw from the human world as much as possible became even greater. And after all that has happened to me at the hands of humans in the last 17 months, I haven’t changed my mind. Most of what was my world has been taken away, but with the small ways I have left to create my own world, I want to do it. But it needs an apartment to be done in, and I still don’t have one.

 website ~~~~~^^^^^~~~~~^^^^^~~~~~


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