still waiting

mishiPosted on: 10-04-2008 @ 10:36 am

 

 

sat 4 oct 2008….    Turners Falls 

  I continue to sleep outside. It was 37 degrees when I stood up in the park this morning at 5 a.m. Then I went to a cafe full of “christian” citizens who all gave me big smiles, as if this were all cute in some way, me living in the park. This is how I, as a person with Asperger’s, regard people giving me cheerful smiles when something very bad is going on: they aren’t taking the bad thing seriously. They aren’t giving me support, or help, or compassion. They’re giving me these idiotic smiles that completely dismiss the seriousness of what’s going on in my life. And when they smile, they expect me to smile back. I live in a park. Everyone I love has been taken and hidden, and for all I know they have all been killed. I have a man in Greenfield who told me some very nasty types want to hurt me. Why in the hell should I be smiling? Just because you want it.  (the homelessness page of my website).

When you look at my WrongPlanet profile, no posts show up for this blog. I wrote to Alex about it, and he told me it might have something to do with the user name Mishi. I don’t understand why that should make any difference.

Update 9 Sept 09 — I’m in Turners Falls again today, the town where I first wrote this post when I was living outside for two months, minus one week sleeping in the laundromat. I cannot look at any Turners resident without bitterness, especially the ones who’ve known me the longest. No one offered me a couch, a spare room, a shower. Certain of them knew what had become of my animals and to this day will not tell me. If they gave me anything at all while I was living outside, the ones who’d known me the longest gave me these brainless, dismissive smiles. I had plenty of reason before the destruction of my life to think of these people as callous, selfish, unchristian christians. How much more reason do I now have to see them as heartless, soulless, tight-fisted, phonies with no moral code whatsoever.

 

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all photos, graphics, poems and text copyright 2008-2011 by anne nakis, unless otherwise stated. all rights reserved.

 

           

 

 

 

 

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