Wrong Planet, Wrong Country

Page Seventeen by: mishi

Posted on: 09-09-2008 @ 11:09 am

 

 

tues 9 sept 2008….   in the Greenfield respite    

Living with Asperger’s — even all the years I didn’t know I had it — has been a constant war for me, but maybe not for others of you. I happened to grow up in a family in which my kind of oddness was not very well tolerated at times, and often was punished in subtle, ingenious ways. In society in general it was only slightly different. I have felt tremendous resistance from others all my life in my effort to be the only person I can be and the only person I want to be, and that is myself. I have had more criticism and punishment and ostracism and whatever else in my life than I can shake a stick at. But I never imagined or fantasized something as bizarre as the government getting its claws into me and treating me worse than any single individual ever has. I might have been wrong long ago when I started this blog and the other ones: based on the things Matthew told me in July, the DMH and CSS might  have had some interference from federal types concerning what was to be done with me. And the warning I wrote then to Massachusetts people not to let anyone they cared about get mixed up with the DMH is valid, as the DMH gave me terrible non-service, but maybe there were other things going on too.

Update 16 Sept 2009: Donna Williams speaks of this battle: the battle to keep the world out, and the simultaneous battle to let it in. I’ve fought it all my life. But in my 40’s the terms of the battle changed: I no longer wanted to let “the world” in, but only a very few select people, if I could find them. As far as the criminal trouble in my life Matthew spoke of, I stumbled into it accidentally. A tenant moved into my building who was connected, and she and I loathed each other. Her connections got me onto a bad radar, the big guys, and then they made the link with my long-dead grandfather, who had apparently belonged to this same organization. But if my country has protected me, they’ve done so in a cruel and abusive manner. Wrong planet, wrong country, wrong grandfather.

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