alternate universe

Page Sixteen…         by: mishi


wed 9 july — is it? 2008…   greenfield

On with Asperger’s things. When I was three, one day I got this bright idea to make a cartoon in my head, since I was watching cartoons at the time. I wondered if I could make my own. I did. A little scene where my father wasn’t yelling at my mother and everything going on was doing so in a way I could cope with. It felt damned good, so I kept it up for another 39 years. A separate, alternate life in my head where neurotypicals behaved in a way I could understand and proceed with. But when I was forty-two, TV came and hit me with a different bolt of lightning. They were saying on a talk show that autistics live in their own inner world. I didn’t think I was autistic then. In fact, I was so determined not to be as weird as those people were (I  thought), that I weaned myself off of the alternate life in my head. Is that a good thing? In some ways yes, in some ways no. Ever since depriving myself of that mechanism, NT’s have been even harder to deal with, trauma has gone even deeper, fear of the humans around me has become more intense. My force field is gone: all the phaser beams hit home.






Comment By: Invisable2u2(Posted on 07-11-2008 @ 07:18 am)
Comment: I feel that I live in Superman’s Bizzaro world where everything is in reverse. I used to have children, men who love me and were here for me. Now the “Pied Piper stole my children and replaced them with Rats.” I’m back into Nirvana, my friends are in my head. Name of the song “Lithium” an old mental medicine. I was fine untill a doctor told me I was sick and the diagnosis & stigma of mental illiness. One of my children told me that I would hurt my granddaughter. I was crushed. I owned a Day Care Center & Pre school for over ten years in 1972 to 1982 then my first husband died in it. I kept it for five years after he died to support them. My children don’t believe me when I tell them this is genetic and all of my boys & two of my grandchildren are starting with it and I’m crazy. No people with Aspergers are special beautiful people like you who do not fit into the parrell universe we live in today.There’s others who feel as you do. I’m one too. Sometimes living in your head is a defence mecihamisn. I do it sometimes.  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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