| Mon 5 May 2008… Greenfield
Thank you, Hodor, for your kind message. It’s only my second message ever from someone out there in cyberspace. I have never, ever lost the feeling that I am on the wrong planet, and I’m 55 years old. In fact, in the last ten years or so, that feeling has become even stronger.The Department of Mental Health in Greenfield MA destroyed my life, my whole sense of identity and purpose, and sent my “mental health”, which they were supposed to help, presumably, into the worst condition it has ever been in.
They don’t believe that death from grief is possible, death from too much trauma. They only believe in death from pills and razor blades.
I don’t understand the human code of communication and conduct, or I only understand it so far. Animals I understand. And they understand me. But other humans seem to find me just as bizarre as I find them. I’m tired, depressed, sad, less interested in one breath in, one breath out than I’ve ever been in my life.
The ones I love, who loved me, are gone.
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See the DMH page of my website.
Wed 21 Jan 2009, Northampton —- What I was hoping for back in May last year, in the early days of blogging, was that people, even just a few, would take an interest. A lawyer or journalist turning up would have been ideal, but barring that, even just a couple of regular people who read about the destruction of my life by a juggernaut of an agency (which is what I thought at the time) and empathized with the situation, felt the same hurt and outrage, would have been a great comfort. Especially here, on Wrongplanet, where other people with Asperger’s would read what had been done to me….. But now it’s 10 mos, 10 days that I’m homeless. Now I also know the things Matthew Lacoy told me about my life in July 2008: organized crime trouble and federal protection.
July 2009, Turners Falls: Still trying to fight the delusional label. I suppose I’ll be trying to fight it to my last breath. I didn’t dream up or hallucinate or hear body-less voices to get the thoughts I got about being in federal protection. These things were told to me by a flesh-and-blood human being who is still in Greenfield. There were no delusions involved. What did happen is that the trauma that had already just happened in my life combined with this new information from this man to keep me in a constant state of anxiety and anger, and in this state I pulled many more people and events into my protection situation than belonged there.
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(this post is part of the book Spite and Malice)
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